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Another Gem from Grandma: What to Do When There Is Ice on Your Windshield

7 Jan

After I posted the previous email from my grandmother, I remembered this equally amusing message she sent to me in a birthday e-card complete with colorful dancing kitty cats and confetti (yes, she recently discovered email).

Happy Birthday again!  Please be careful this cold weather, especially if there is ice or snow, the roads could be very dangerous, Also clean ice or frost off your windshleld.
love you

Obviously, this advice came before she decided I should have my husband drive me around, seeing as I’m a woman and all. Cars are confusing. What’s a windshield, again?

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Watch Out for the Invisible Ice – Wise Words from My Grandmother

7 Jan

As we all know, the southeast is under a winter storm advisory for tonight and tomorrow. And as we all know, people in the southeast are not accustomed to snow and ice and, well, just winter in general. So they go a little crazy. For example, here’s the email that I got from my grandmother before I left work this afternoon:

Hi Are you all predicted to get snow & Ice tomorrow? We are. Hope you won’t try to drive in it.. Can be very dangerous. If you go to work, hope Daniel will drive you,but hope you will not go. Sometimes you can’t see the ice. Love you

If you knew her, you would laugh hysterically and then immediately feel sorry for me. So, be safe out there guys and try to avoid the invisible ice.

I Love Spam! Especially When It Comes from Princeton Premier!

5 Jun

According to an e-mail I just received, I’ve been nominated for a prestigious honor shared by thousands of executives and professionals throughout the world each year, considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement, and they don’t even know my name. There was no salutation line, just this:

It is my pleasure to inform you that you are being considered for inclusion into the 2008-2009 Princeton Premier Business Leaders and Professionals Honors Edition section of the registry.

The 2008 / 2009 edition of the registry will include biographies of the world’s most accomplished individuals. Recognition of this kind is an honor shared by thousands of executives and professionals throughout the world each year. Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement.

You may access our application form using the following link:

http://www.formspring.com/forms/?309494-M62LlkxwLF

Upon final confirmation, you will be listed among other accomplished individuals in the Princeton Premier Registry.

For accuracy and publication deadlines, please complete your application form and return it to us within five business days. There is no cost to be included in the registry.

On behalf of the Executive Publisher, we wish you continued success.
Sincerely,

Jason Harris
Managing Director
Princeton Premier

Classic. I love it! So tell me, fellow bloggers (and readers), who among you has also been nominated for this prestigious honor? I’m sure there are thousands. That’s what my letter said, at least. Oh, and please respond within 5 business days. I wish you continued success.

PS – This is not the first time I have received this letter, just the first time I found it funny enough to write about it instead of just deleting it.

Related:

Dear Mr. Brown

“She Get It From Her Mama”

28 May

My mom sent me the following e-mail today. Now I know for sure where I get my grammar amusement from. I get it from my mama, of course.

US tourist drugged, killed by train in Rome

Published: 5/26/08, 9:25 PM EDT
By MARTA FALCONI

ROME (AP) – An American tourist was killed by a train as he walked on the tracks in a daze after he drank a cappuccino laced with drugs and then was robbed, railway police said Monday.

Laura,

This was a headline on the bellsouth.net home page under world news. My first thought was how in the world did a train drug someone? Then I thought maybe they meant the trained dragged someone. Wrong on both counts. Thought you might find it amusing.

Love,

Mom

I love you too, Mom!

(View original post)

Related:

This just in …

From My Inbox: My Mom’s Last Wish

14 Mar
E-mails like this one I got today make my job both very difficult and very rewarding.  It’s hard when you know that a lot of the people who write for you may not have very much longer to live.  But it is also rewarding to know that you, if even in a small way, have made a difference in someone’s life.  This is from the son of a lady who wrote a small piece for the magazine: 
I want to thank you for all the prayers!
My family needs your prayers for peace, love, finances, relationship!
NO DOOM or GLOOM! My mom was positive to the end and peaceful!!! Very strong woman!
She wanted everyone to read her Article in a cancer magazine! See the attached PDF file!
One regret is that I never video taped her before it got bad. Please do this for your yourself, your kids, your grand kids, great grand kids!
Maybe write a letter to them before it is the end. State your wishes and directions for each person. Write your favorite things and why!
Have a wonderful day and week!
God bless you and Over flow your cup with love, peace, finances, joy, healing, happiness, relationships! Take care!
Related:

Congradulations!

24 Jan

From my inbox:

Congrads on your new position as editor.

Seriously? Come on people. For clarification, this was not some casual e-mail sent to me by a friend. If it were, I would have ignored it. (After all, I don’t spell check casual e-mails I send to friends. I don’t always spell check my blog.) But it wasn’t. It concluded the opening paragraph of a well thought out 800+ word testimonial pitch (we don’t publish those anyway) sent to me by a PR representative. Sure, “conGRADulations” is cute on a graduation card … but if you’re trying to pitch a story to an editor, please use spell check. Thanks.

It might be "worth while" to learn the difference between affect and effect.

21 Jan

From my Inbox:

One suggestion I do have is to possibly get on a call with our president…He can talk about mold and its affect on allergies, and he can also provide solutions, with a VERY soft sell of our product (fact sheet attached). Let me know if that’s something worth while to pursue and I’d be happy to set it up for you (or the writer).

Manager, Marketing Communications

From My Inbox: It Gives Me Great Joy

5 Dec

E-mails like these (in reply to an acceptance letter I sent for her poetry submission) totally make my day and make the occasional stress worth it.

Laura, You cannot image how your email lifted my spirits yesterday. I teach struggling high school students, and by the end of the day yesterday, I rather felt that my essence had been vacuumed out entirely. It was nice to be reminded that I am a women who thinks, feels, and writes, as well as, teaches. It gives me great joy to know that my poem will be published and read in the waiting room where whence I spent many a day….

Dear Mr. Brown

3 Dec

Dear Mr. Brown,

I know you want to steal my money, but did you really have to bring Jesus into it? Hasn’t he been through enough already?

Thank you.
LS

Dear Friend In Christ,

I believe you will treat this mail with the fear of God. It is with tears that Iam writing you this mail; I dont need your pity, but love to my son. My mail may seem very painful and sorrowful, but there is more you can do in my request than to pity me, which is to show LOVE to my son. I was an orphan and do not wish myson to experience what i have been through on Earth after an automobile crash that nearly claimed my life.

My name is Edward Brow Jr, married to the late Janet J. Brown Jr, who died with our two daughters in Indonesia on 26th of December 2004 during the Tsunami Disaster, after this Painful and sorrowful incident, my condition worsened and I was diagnosed of cancer, which got worst and I have been suffering from heart failure and hepatitis since. My friends ignored me due to my relationship with God on sickbed.

My wife, our children and I have been in United Kingdom for a long time. We all were suppose to travel to Indonesia in December 2004, but my bad health, did not permit me to travel with them, which made me and my son stay behind while my wife and our two daughters traveled. If not, all of us would have perished in the disaster.

My reason of writing you this mail is due to the sad news that came to me recently from the doctors. After my last diagnosed result, it was proved by the doctors that i may not leave for more than one month ahead, due to the damage the cancer have caused in my system unless I undergo an urgent surgical operation which my chance of survival is less than 10% according to the medical experts. As it stands, I have given to fate and have found God on sick bed. But i have a more concern problem, which is why I have contacted you.

Please, this is about my son. Since it is now obvious that i will die, my son’sfuture has been the greatest problem i have. I want you to take care of my son please. He is only 13 years and we have no person here to take care of him if I die today. My friends for knowing God deserted me.

I left some money in a deposit house at United Kingdom, which i intended to use for investment in Indonesia. I want you to take this money and my son. Use the money into a big investment, that you will manage until my son grows up to take over the investment. I will like you to take my son as your own son, give him the love we the parents would have given him. Do not let him feel the pains of being an orphan, give him good education, bring him up into a responsible man. Make him have the fear of God. Please do not refuse this task. I have no one else to help me out on this issue, I am an orphan who grew up without knowing God rather focused on wealth and otherwise, living a life of fantasy and doesn’t care or know who God is. Do not pity me, rather take good care of and bring him up to be God fearing.

As soon as I receive your reply including your personal details, all i will do is to authorize my bank to transfer the money to your account directly and i will also draw up my will in your favor. I will give the bank all the documentsthat is covering the deposit with the bank, i will transfer every power and right of ownership to you stating at my Will to enable you claim the deposit from the bank. It will be also included in the Will that you are the only person my son should be released to, if i die. All i need is your acceptance and assurance that you will not treat my son badly.

I am writing you this mail with great tears and i pray you will be kind & honest with fear of God concerning this mail to you today. Please reply this mail immediately if you have the love and care of God. at:

Thank you.
Mr. Edward Brown Jr.