You’re Leaving the House Wearing That? Why, Yes. Yes, I Am.

6 Jul

When I turned 25, or maybe a little before then, I banished all my miniskirts to the back of the closet. I guess my thinking (probably passed down to me from my grandmother) in doing away with the minis was that miniskirts are for teenagers and whores, which am I neither. I guess every time I put on a miniskirt, my grandmother’s voice would pop into my head, “You’re not going to wear that are you? You know what people are going to think about you if you wear that outfit. You don’t want people thinking you’re one of those girls, now do you?” And I would become really self-conscious and change clothes immediately.

Then today, after lying out by the pool all afternoon, I found myself running errands wearing a bikini covered up by a polka-dot tube dress with no reservations. I don’t know why one is okay and the other is not. I guess in my head, the conversation among the little judgmental old ladies went something like this:

Old Lady One (spoken in a thick, Old South drawl): “Oh, my! What is she wearing? A tube dress? Dear heavens, that is worse than a miniskirt. God just don’t make ’em ladies any more, Myrtle.”

Old Lady Two (also spoken in a thick, Old South drawl): “Now, hold on a minute, Edna. I think I see a bathing suit under there. The girl must’ve just came from the pool.”

Old Lady One: “Oh, well in that case, she’s not promiscuous, after all. She’s just working on her tan. Hmm, poor thing is a little pale. Bless her heart. And someone needs to tell her that just because you’re in the water, it don’t mean you can’t put on a little lipstick, now.”

Yes, I’m from the Deep South. Yes, I grew up in a small town. And yes, old ladies in small towns in the Deep South do have these types of conversations. Trust me. I’ve heard them. And I sometimes wonder why I am the way I am.


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